Thursday, January 31, 2008

Hey! Look!

More than one post in a week. I'm such a trendsetter. While not having to work has taken off some of the pressure I'd still like to torture my husband and then rub salt in the wounds. He drives me nuts. My friend offered to let us move in with her. That was a fatal error. HUGE mistake. H took that as a cue to begin packing. Uh . . . . . no. I love my friend. That's why I won't move in with her. She has two kids of her own. That's still a lot of kids in a much smaller house. Probably still not a good idea. H was really pushing it, in spite of my objections. Red flag huh? I know his intentions are good, he thinks that getting us out of this house will fix everything. But it won't. We need our own house and extensive therapy, and lots of drugs. Yesterday I saw my counselor for the second time. We discussed this (not) possible move of ours and (yes! sweet! dude!) she agreed with me, that's it's not a good idea and we would just be moving our problems to a new place and potentially ruining a friendship in the process. H wasn't happy about it, I could see tell by the look on his face, but tough titty. My purveyor of mental health also told me that I'm not to be the go-between for my parents/brother, and my husband. If they have something to say to the other, well then they can just put on their grown up chonies and actually have a conversation with that person instead of putting me in the middle of it. Hallelujah! Amen! Could you please pass the collection plate? No change making. That's just tacky.

Sunday, January 27, 2008


I guess it's a good thing I didn't make a resolution to post more often this year. You can see it's not really working out. Suffice it to say that I bit off way more than I could chew. I started school. I'm going to get my teaching certificate so I can teach pre-school. Then I was supposed to start my new job, and I did, but that's where the wheels came off. I haven't worked in two years. I hurt my back at work and am pretty limited in what I can do now. So I got this seasonal job and thought I would be cool with it. Then I actually had to go, and I wasn't cool with it. I totally fell apart. Like break-down fell apart. I just couldn't handle it. I don't know why, but this big black hole opened up beneath me and I fell all the way to the bottom. Depression and anxiety are things I've dealt with pretty much my whole life and the months preceding this were some of the best I've ever had. Life is filled with ups and downs. The last up was a long one, and now I'm down. Hopefully not for long. But this marks a return to the medications I thought I could do without. A return to therapy I didn't really want. I thought I was doing so good. I thought I could just live life like I was a normal, happy person. Turns out I thought wrong. I wonder if I'll ever be able to go back to work.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

I don't wanna go!!!!!!!!

I start training for my new job in a week and a half. It's been over two years since I've actually had a job. I'm a little nervous, but mostly I just don't want to give up all the time I have. It's nice being home all day and being able to get laundry and house cleaning done while the kids are in school. Plus run other errands without the constant begging for toys or other stuff. I could go shopping by myself and actually enjoy it. What I won't miss is not having any of my own money. As much as I like staying home and as much as H tells me that I don't need to ask for money, I still feel as though it isn't mine. I want some that it just mine. I'm sure that once I get back into the swing of things it will be nice to get out of the house and be surrounded by adults. Plus the training is only two weeks and then it could be a month to two months before I get called back for full-time work, and it's seasonal. I'll be going back to school in the summer to finish getting my AA. Being back on campus made me realize what a snot I was back in school. All these little punks running around fresh out of high school made me feel like a grumpy old lady. Here I thought I was hip and all that.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

*Warning* Four letter word post!!!!!!

Ok, I moved back in with my parents in July. Our house was in foreclosure and we had no where else to go. So, in August I started on my current diet and have lost quite a bit of weight. Well my weight loss had kinda stalled so I started elminating refined sugar from my diet. I searched and searched for ice cream that was low fat and had no sugar added. I found some Dryer's ice cream bars that are really, really good. Well my mom saw them and said she was going to try one. She's trying to lose weight too, but isn't being nearly as serious about it as me, and we have TONS of low fat desserts in the freezer. Any way, to get to the point, the woman is eating all of my low sugar desserts and it is driving me insane!!!! I don't know why it pisses me off. But it does. Like no other. I just wonder why she can't eat the low fat stuff and leave my shit alone. If she was being totally serious about dieting and excercising then I'd probably be ok about it, but she's constantly scarfing down candy or going out to eat with my dad and then complaining that she's not losing weight. Hello!!!!! It's probably all the damn junk food and fast food you're eating. Seriously, every time I see her eat one I want to scream and rip it out of her hands. I really don't want to say anything because I'm living in her house and I'm not paying rent, but it really fucking pisses me off. And besides that she'll steal all the damn frozen meals. I'll get something I like for myself and I'll go out to get it and she's taken it to work for her lunch! It's making me crazy. It really is. I'm over here working my ass off to lose weight and giving up all kinds of stuff and she's half assing it and eating my shit! Normally I have no problems with my mom and we have a great relationship. But I am seriously biting my tongue over here and I needed to vent.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

I don't make resolutions

I never keep them any way. I'm already eating healthier. I'm already excercising 5-6 days a week. I don't think making a resolution at the beginning of the year makes any difference in whether you keep it or not. I made a resolution to lose weight in August and have actually managed to keep that one, so maybe it's just the time of year for me.

The kids go back to school on Monday. Yipee!!!!! It's been a nice three weeks. I enojyed not having to get up early, but I think even the kids are ready to go back.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Happy New Year

I stayed home, by myself for new year's eve. Well, my mom hung out with me a little, but H and the kids were over at his uncle's house. They got home around 11pm. Neither of the kids made it to midnight. Heck, I barely made it to midnight. For once I didn't watch Dick Clark. I watched the third Pirates of the Caribbean movie. It was kind of disappointing for me. I thought it would be better. That's not going to stop me from buying it and watching it several times. I also rented the newest Harry Potter movie and I'll hopefully watch that tomorrow. I think that's the only book that I didn't read.

Today we went out to my aunt's house to celebrate. It's been really great to be seeing so much of my family since we've been back. I've really missed them. I made a total pig of myself, but I'm climbing back on the wagon tomorrow. The holidays were pretty tough for me. I didn't gain any weight back, but I didn't lose any either. Hopefully now that it's over I can get rid of all the junk food in the house and get back on track. I'm trying the glycemic index diet. I feel so much better when I'm not stuffing myself full of sugar.

Happy new year. Let's hope that this year is better than the last!

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