It's just wrong

My son's teeball game was at 3pm this afternoon in 103 degree weather. I sent my child out to play teeball in the heat. I was sweating like a virgin on prom night and I was sitting in shade drinking ice water. The other parents my have noticed if I filled the water jug with strawberry margaritas and then I would have had to share and that would have just sucked. Maybe I could have set up a margarita stand! My power hitting son managed to hit one over the fence and would have done it a second time, but the coach on the opposite team stopped the ball with his hand so we could finish the game sooner. At least that's what I keep telling myself in order to repress the urge to scratch nasty words into his car.

Dh leaves tomorrow on his week long business trip. The stripper will be here five minutes after he leaves. I already have my stash of booze hidden in washing machine outside. I'm going to be alone with my kids for five whole days. Perhaps I should have purchased a crack pipe.

Monday is La Katie's appointment for her kindergarten physical. I'm so excited about both my kids being in school I could fart rainbows. Just the thought of a potential three hours all to myself makes my head spin. It's almost as good as being given free rein inside Louis Vuitton.