Tuesday, January 04, 2011

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel . . . . . .

The sad thing is, it appears to be moving away from me. I'm staring down the barrel of the semester from hell and I just can't work up anything close to enthusiasm for it.  I'm tired of being at school all the time.  I'm tired of having massive amounts of homework breathing down my neck constantly.  Mostly I'm tired of not being able to work full-time due to needing time for school.  This shit better pay off.  Twenty-six units this semester. Holy shit. At two different schools no less.  The icing on the cake is that I have the kids full-time again.  A weekend isn't enough time to catch my breath much less take a break.

At this point I'm so close to burning out.  I just want to run away and leave everything behind.  Go somewhere nobody knows me and start over.  Let the ex have the kids and move to another country.  I feel so buried.  It's not overwhelming, it's exhausting. 

You ever make a choice and years later think, "damn, I fucked up."  I should have taken that job when it was offered to me.  I could be in some hellhole with no indoor plumbing, covered in dirt and probably having the time of my life.  It sounded like fun. Oh well. Shoulda, coulda, woulda.

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